RentAMomma

Teenagers are going to be the death of me!

The things I love: In Honor of Valentine’s Day

Let me start by saying I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day; really I never have been.  When I was a kid/teenager I didn’t like all the social pressures to get the biggest gift compared to all your friends- it made the whole day seem fake to me.  Now, married with two four-legged kids and a fake son, I’m still not a big fan.  V Day in my house typically means an exchange of cards and going to dinner… at some point.  This morning my husband woke me up to give me my cards, and I didn’t even open my eyes.  His response was, “Do you want to open these later?” I replied with a grunt, and he left for work.  Romantic, eh?!  I’m not a mushy, lovey person by any means.  I don’t even like to be touched.  So, I figured in honor of the “day of love” I would compile a list of the things that I do love.

#10: Water.  Of course it’s good for hydration, and supposedly a necessity of life.  However, I like playing in it.  Boating, canoeing, swimming.  I especially enjoy filling my mouth up with water, extending my arm, and slowly pumping my arm up and down while I squirt water out in a solid stream every time my arm goes down.  I call this the “human fountain” and I do it ALL the time- even in the shower.

#9: Those little bottles of shampoos and lotions from hotels.  I’ve stayed in a lot of hotels in my life and I’ve come to decide that Starwood Hotels have the best.  It’s a good thing that is my hotel company of choice- which may or may not have some basis on their little bottles.  I have quite the collection, and get upset when hotels put the shampoo and soaps in a pump on the wall.  I understand it saves them money, but I can’t take it home then!

#8: Chocolate.  No need to explain.  I’m a girl.  This is supposed to happen.

#7: Vodka.  If I didn’t know better, I’d think I’m part Russian.  Sadly though, I don’t wear fur coats and walk around talking about diamonds or “offing” people.  I’ve drank all kinds of alcohol before, but vodka is the only one I’m still buds with.  It makes me happy, doesn’t kick my ass, or make me regret hanging out with it the next morning.

Paul Gaustad, Buffalo Sabres

#6: Wine.  Not all wines though, just some wines.  They do kick my ass sometimes, but I still don’t regret it in the morning and they make me happy… and then tired.  :)

#5: Hockey.  I love the cold.  This includes snow and ice, and all activities you can do in/on snow and ice.  So of course, there is nothing better to me then men (or women) skating around checking each other, and eventually beating the crap out of each other.  And for those of you that don’t know, hockey is MUCH more fun in the north than the south.  I especially love this guy:

 

#4: Making fun of people.  In my head- not out loud- that’s rude!  I have some choice things I’d say about this girl here, Pinned Imagebut the caption does really well on its own.  It’s ok honey, I had the same problem when I was a kid, and I was just as upset.  Except that I didn’t have a pony, so it didn’t get stolen.  Mine was more like I broke my kitten’s leg (purely accidental!) and after his leg healed my mom made me get rid of him.  His name was George.   The most f****d up part of it was I had to get rid of George because my mom was allergic to cats…yet she was the one to give me the freaking cat!  Nothing like giving a 7-year-old kid a pet to love and cuddle with (and break its bones) only to take it away because you FORGOT you were allergic.  Thanks Mom.

 

Pinned Image

 

#3: Lame jokes.  I love dry humor.  Stuff that makes you roll your eyes and wish you could get back the last 10 seconds of your life.  I’m not sure why, but it cracks me up, and I could laugh for hours on something so small and stupid.  Especially if it’s visual.  Like this:

 

 

 

#2: My friends.  Over my life I’ve weeded out all the crappy friends that aren’t loyal and would betray me at the drop of a hat.  Now I can say I have the best friends I could ever ask for.  They have my back and I have theirs, and even if we don’t get to see each other that often because we all seem to be getting busier as we get older, it’s like we’ve only missed each other for a day when we do get to hang out.

My Beautiful Great-Grandma Eleanor. She's 90!

#1: My family (this includes my two beautiful dogs, even though the piss me off a lot).  My husband is the best; he makes me laugh, tries to give me the world on a platter, and most importantly, puts up with my crap (which isn’t easy I’m sure)!  My dogs may act like bitches sometimes and get into things they shouldn’t, bark non-stop for hours, and try to trip me every chance they get, but they are also the sweetest dogs ever and will always cuddle with me.  Even my extended family is great.  Everyone has those people that they just tolerate because they are family, but the majority of my family are down to earth, drama-free, and will always think family is #1.  They don’t care if you work in a factory or run a major corporation.  They don’t care what you drive or wear or what handbag you carry.  They don’t care if you’re on a diet or trying to lose weight (they still expect you to show up for Sunday dinner and eat whatever is cooked).  They’ll stop what they are doing to help you out, talk to you, give you good and wise advice, or just cheer you up.  They are the best.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!!

Gym time Shenanigans

Beginner’s Note: Not going to lie… I really just wanted to use the word ‘shenanigans.’  :) 

So I frequent the gym; on a normal week I’m there 3-4 times a week.  Most times I go right after work because I have to be home by 6 to get Greg to lacrosse practice.  My favorite thing to do at the gym is not work out (but I must!).  Instead, my favorite thing to do to help pass the time is to people watch.  I think everyone does this, although I’m not sure if everyone has a similar dialogue in their heads that I do.  I tend to, um, pick at people.  Sometimes I pretend to be Sherlock Holmes and will come up with someone’s entire life story including family and career while I watch them work out (I firmly believe one guy is a doctor because I’ve noticed he drives a Porsche, is bald, and looks like he’d wear scrubs all day).  Other times I guess what they’re thinking (most times this is: “Grrrr!  I’m a badass!”).  And on a near-daily basis I get into races with people on cardio machines and they don’t even know it- but it’s more fun when they do.

Every gym visit, I spend at least half of my time on a cardio machine, be it an elliptical, treadmill, stationary bike, or something else.  Some days this is all I do, and other days I mix in weights, ab work, etc.  While I’m working cardio (on any machine) I like to monitor the stats of the people around me- how fast their going, how far they’ve gone, and calories burned.  If there is a woman next to me, I race her.  Sometimes it’s all about speed if she has been on there longer than me because I know I’m not going to catch up to her other stats.  If we got on around the same time, I try to beat her calories burned or distance.  Sometimes it’s a matter of just staying on the machine longer than her.  I don’t typically do this against a man- I’m not sure if it’s because I’m ok with men beating me (but not other women), or if I’m just not naturally competitive against men. 

Yesterday, I was racing (speed) with a woman around my age, and she was really smart because she either does the same thing or realized what I was doing.  She started speeding up as well.  Here we are, on two ellipticals right next to each other, both averaging a speed of 3.5 mph yet reaching speeds in the 7+ mph range.  This continued for several minutes until she tired (I won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What’s up now chick?!?!) and then she got off the machine.  I put her to SHAME! 

Now… enter this guy:

Sorry it's blurry- but I was on the elliptical while I took this. That's what I call multitasking!

This guy is what I like to call an “unapparent gym rat.”  He’s in there almost every day lifting weights, but has no definition or muscle tone at all, so you’d never see him out in public and think “it’s apparent that guy’s in the gym every day!”  He is a white dude in his late 20′s/early 30′s with glasses and a cheap accountant’s hair cut (nothing wrong with accountant’s by the way, it just adds to the story!).  He wears his ear buds pulled through his shirt and apparently listens to gangsta’ rap while he ‘shreds muscle.’  I’ve come to this conclusion based on the thug walk he does while walking through the gym floor (you know the one- a little bit of hop to it while kind of dragging one leg… somewhat looking like an injured rabbit) AND the fact that he raps along silently and I’m pretty good at reading lips.  I’m almost positive last night he shanked your momma while drinking a 40… 

I like to think that he has a professional day job but has a secret life as a wanna-be gangster (not mafia!!) and sometimes he walks around his house on the weekends with specific colored bandanas tied around his head (he ties in various ways to encompass all gangsters he’s seen on TV throughout his life.  This would include the biker, the Tupac, Rosie the Riveter, and some other famous ones).  He pretends to be a badass because that’s the only time he has fun with his life, because I’m sure his day job is incredibly boring based on his cheap hair cut.  I think last year he went as Lil Wayne for Halloween, but has been Tupac (doesn’t seem like a Biggie kind of dude), Warren G., and Snoop Dogg… so I think he’s a bit more West Coast.

He does the same machine for like 30 minutes at a time, mediocre weight, low rep count, TONS of sets.  Then he’ll drag his apparently bum/thug leg over to the next machine and do the same.  He ONLY works upper body- arms, back and shoulders- but never anything specifically for the chest (you get a little bit of a chest workout by the other 3, but not as good as one specifically for the chest).  However, for only doing upper body his arms aren’t even defined whatsoever.   He has a slight gut (he really should work some abs) and has the flabbiest calves I’ve ever seen for someone always in the gym.  Maybe if he knew I felt this way and that people noticed him he’d switch up his routine and do some full body work, but most likely by the way I’ve analyzed him I think he would just be excited that he managed to get someone’s attention- even if it wasn’t for good.

My favorite part about men lifting weights is the faces they make.  They huff, puff, and damn near blow the house down.  They grunt, groan, yell, and turn red.  Sometimes I just want to say, “Excuse me, sir, but I think you should cut down on the weight and really focus on your form to get a proper workout in.”  But some of these roid-heads would probably just punch me in the face, so I keep my mouth shut and just enjoy the show, as (call me weird) but I enjoy having my face in one piece.  I’m by no means an expert on working out, but I do understand the how-to’s of a proper lifting session.  However, to those men out there that only care about telling their bro’s how much they can lift even if it means damaging something or not having a good strong core, I say thanks for entertaining me and if you ever hurt yourself by being a moron, I’ll be the one taking pictures.  By the way, I have no problem with people being un-fit, as I would consider myself to be un-fit (this is my way of saying I’m not pure muscle).  But I do think if you’re going to the gym, it’s typically to lose weight, lose inches, firm up, tone up, and most people want to do that on a total-body level… not just their arms.

Traveling

I’m sitting in Chicago O’Hare airport waiting for a flight to Buffalo NY.  I’m looking around my gate and noticing an abnormally large amount of abnormally large people waiting to catch this flight.  Luckily I am sitting by Greg, but I feel bad for anyone who has to sit by them, which is a good chance based on the ratio of thin:not. 

Also, Greg and I were in line at Dunkin Donuts this morning and a man cut us off, skipped in line and then almost stole our food.  He was most likely so arrogant in his own world that he genuinely didn’t see us, and had no idea of his surroundings.  It’s people like him that I hope get mugged.  Is that bad?

Fun (and alarming) US Divorce facts

Ok, so these facts may not be so fun…

In a random conversation today, I decided to look up actual US divorce statistics today.  Everyone always says 50% of today’s marriages end in divorce, so I wanted to know the actual facts.  In fact, it’s estimated that “40-50%  of marriages will divorce if the current trends continue.”  Not that it’s already happened.

Here’s a fun chart of the divorce age:

Age Women Men
Under 20 years old 27.6% 11.7%
20 to 24 years old 36.6% 38.8%
25 to 29 years old 16.4% 22.3%
30 to 34 years old 8.5% 11.6%
35 to 39 years old 5.1% 6.5%

So, when men get married under the age of 20, they stick it out for the most part because they probably don’t know any better.  Once you get to 20-24 you are apparently ready for a change and just want out.  From that point on, the husband could divorce the wife at any point over the other way around.

Interestingly enough,  the most divorced year is marriage year 5 & 6.  I was always told the first 7 years were the most difficult, but apparently if you finish 6 you should be good to go, especially if you break the age of 30 at that point.

However, what I find MOST interesting is the stats by marriage.  The current divorce rate for first time marriages is 41%, 60% for second marriages, and a ridiculous 73% for third marriages.  So essentially, if you get divorced from your first marriage, you should just stay single because if you couldn’t make the first one work, you most likely won’t make the second work, and if that one doesn’t work, you’re damn sure not keeping the third one going!

One alarming fact that I saw, which concerns me personally since I don’t have children, is that 66% of divorced couples are childless.  You always hear about kids going through divorces with their parents, but you never hear the rates of couples without kids.  Couples with children have slightly lower rates than couples without.  Apparently sociologists say that not having children leads to loneliness, which leads to divorce.  Well, I think these people just need to get out more.  Travel, enjoy quiet dinners out, and stay social… maybe then you won’t get lonely.  But then again, what do I know? 

All facts can be found at divorcerate.org.

 

 

Serious Note: how the US Dept of Education is prohibiting my education

After ten years of being out of school, I’m ready to go back.  I’ve wanted to for several years now, but I finally have the time and can afford it.  I researched schools for months in my spare time, looking for schools that fit my criteria:

  1. Online programs.  I travel a LOT and it’s simply not practical for me to try to make it into a classroom.
  2. Business Marketing program
  3. Reasonable tuition
  4. A term calendar that works best with my schedule

I FINALLY found a school that had everything I wanted.  It’s located in Massachusetts and is accredited by the same entity as Yale and Quinnipiac!  I was beyond ecstatic when I filled out the information form; I even ran and told my boss, husband and coworkers.  After speaking with the sweet woman in Admissions (we’ll call her “Ann”) and getting all my questions answered, I was ready to sign the application and get rolling.  Just as I was opening the application, Ann called me back.  She informs me that because I currently live in Arkansas (I regret this more and more daily), I cannot be accepted.

Here comes the kicker: the United States Department of Education has a law/regulation that states any postsecondary institution that offers distance learning MUST be registered and certified with the state in which it accepts its students from; this is Issue #1.  Naturally, this institution in New England is not certified in Arkansas because, well let’s face it, Arkansas is NOT known for its intelligence or education, so why would a regionally accredited school say “Let’s recruit Arkansans!”  They wouldn’t.  I have reached out to the Arkansas Department of Education for clarification, and was told there is nothing they can do.  The school must be certified in the state (I am told Arkansas is one of the most difficult to be certified in as well) for me to attend, and the ADE sent me a list of all the schools certified for me to choose from.  Every school but two on this list was for-profit online-only or satellite-only “schools” like University of Phoenix, Bryan College, Webster University, Capella, Kaplan, etc.  I refuse to go to one of these schools; I value my education and don’t want a diploma on the wall from a “school” that was just made up one day and takes money from people.  A lot of business and actual regionally accredited schools do not even recognize those schools, so why would I attend knowing that I’m blowing $40,000 to be told by a future employer or different school that my diploma does not count.  If you’ve obtained your degree from one of these schools, kudos for finishing, and I genuinely hope your degree or MBA continues to be valued for you.  The other two schools are private schools that do not fit my criteria- Issue #2.

Issue #3: I have a friend (and this friend knows several other people) currently obtaining their degree from a major D1 state university in another state through online (distance) learning that is NOT on the ridiculous list.  My friend states that nowhere is she listed as a distance student; however, after speaking with the university I want to attend, I know that she would not be listed as a distance student, her diploma will not say “Online” but she would be listed in their distance student database- which her university would have to turn over if someone from the DoE were to ask for it.  I’m not sure whether her university is just not worried about breaking our state regulations, or whether they have some loop-hole (in which case I’d like them to share with me!).

I understand this regulation was put in place to ensure that each program is a legitimate and acceptable program for the students.  I’ve seen the movie Accepted (hilarious).  I also know it’s probably to encourage students to attend schools in their home state- but if no school offers a program you need through distance learning, that’s not feasible.  But it only makes sense to me if I want to go to some fake, for-profit, non-brick-and-mortar institution with no regional accreditation.  This brings me to Issue #4: why would a regionally accredited university in one of the BEST regions in the country for education need to become certified in the uneducated state of Arkansas SIMPLY because they offer courses online???  At what point does regional accreditation mean NOTHING?  By the way, Issue #5 is: if I do months of research, find the program that fits my needs, and I approach them, why can’t I attend?  I don’t care if the State of Arkansas knows about the institution or the program, I care about getting an education in a school that I trust, and growing in my career. 

This is a NATIONWIDE regulation.  If you live in a state that a school you want to attend is not registered in, you cannot attend.  This also means that my husband cannot work on his MBA, my employee can’t get his MBA, and anyone else that needs a practical program in today’s technology age is limited to for-profit schools that may not even count in the future.

I’ve gone to the state, I’m trying to find more information from my desired school, and I’m working to find out who to go to in the USDE, but I’m told they can’t do anything either.  My school is not going to get certified just for me, and no other school is either.  This means unless the law changes, I cannot go back to school to grow personally and professionally until I MOVE.  Once I move, I could potentially go through this whole thing again depending on what schools that state has certified.

Has anyone ever heard of this?  Does this sound fair to you?  Frankly, I genuinely feel that the US Department of Education is prohibiting me from getting my education.  How can this university be good enough to be regionally accredited, but not be good enough for the State of Arkansas?  What message does this send from the USDE that a legitimate brick-and-mortar institution cannot accept out-of-state students for their online courses- what the hell is the point of becoming accredited then?!

 Note: Just to show what I mean regarding the State of Arkansas being uneducated, here are some “fun” facts for you: only 18% of the state population has completed a degree, only 6% have an advanced degree (both of these stats have Arkansas ranked 50th of 51!!!), and only 79% have a high school diploma (49th of 51).

Some Kids Are Just Plain… Stupid

Greg was home sick last week.  I picked him up from school on Monday at lunch, and he didn’t go back till Friday.  He had strep throat, and didn’t believe me.  He also refused to go to the doctor until I finally made the choice for him on Wednesday.  By Thursday afternoon he was bouncing off the walls ready to get out of the house and get back to school to socialize (not learn)- and I don’t blame him.

While he was out on Thursday, a girl in his English class… we’ll call her… Candy (no female I’ve ever met named Candy was very intelligent)… asked during class where Greg was.  She missed him.  A few of the boys that sit around her… let’s call them Larry, Curly and Moe… decided to play a little trick on her.  I believe the conversation went a little like this:

Boys: “Candy, didn’t you hear?  Poland invaded France and Greg had to go back to France to see his family one last time because they are in jail and are going to die.”

Candy: “Really??”

Boys: “Yeah, but he’ll be able to come back because he is tied to America now and Poland is afraid of America.  So he’ll be back.”

This went on for a while apparently.   On Thursday afternoon, Greg put on his facebook that he would be back to school on Friday, which confused Candy- guess it was a short trip to France!  In class on Friday, Greg found out what happened, and that Candy believed it.  Greg also found out that Larry, Curly and Moe all think Poland is a border country to France.  So of course, that means the Polish Land Forces got approval from Germany to cross their beer-loving country to enter into France (they probably thought it best to go around Belgium.

I have a few problems with this.

A.) Candy never thought to use this great invention called Google to check the details (“deets” as kids say now) of this new war, or even turn on the TV to CNN.

2.) Candy didn’t care apparently about the war or that Greg’s family was going to be “killed.”  Sweet girl, that Candy.

D.) Larry, Curly and Moe have apparently NEVER LOOKED AT A MAP OF EUROPE!

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with teenagers?!  These kids are supposed to be raised on the tit of information and technology.  Yet these kids are maybe too lazy (if it’s not laziness then it’s a lack of compassion- either way- SCARY!) to do some 2 minute research on a new WAR occurring in major developed countries in Europe.  Especially a war that would involve your own classmate.  These kids are going to be running our country one day.  Candy could be your attending E.R. doctor at some point- are you really going to want her to mend up your wounds?!  When I was their age I didn’t know EVERYTHING about current events, but I did read at least the headlines in the newspaper every day.  Also, had I heard about something like this, I would have asked someone about it… like a trusted adult.  Maybe a teacher, a parent, the weird neighbor lady that knows everything could have been an acceptable, trustworthy person to ask.  The good news is Greg is doing his due diligence and has informed everyone he knows at his high school of how unintelligent Candy is, and has been and will continue to make fun of the boys and Candy.

For the record, I’ve never met Candy, and she could be very “book smart” but apparently lacks every aspect of common sense known to man.  Also, the listing above (A, 2, D) was a reference to Home Alone, thank you Buzz.

The Single Woman’s Guide to Landing a Man

Now, for the first time ever, Twilight fans (A.K.A. Twi-Hards) can purchase their very own Limited Edition Twilight Hair Styling Tools by ProBeauty Tools.  Yes, folks, I kid you not!  You have your choice of a Sparkle Ceramic Styling Iron OR a Sparkle Ceramic Detailer.  Most people would just call these a curling iron and flat iron or straightener, but because these are special and have the faces of Bella and Edward on them, we’ve renamed them!  The Sparkle Ceramic Styling Iron can be yours for only $19.99, and for a measly $24.99, you can take home the Sparkle Ceramic Detailer!  It doesn’t get any better than those prices, people!  If you don’t buy these tools, your hair will continue to look mortal.   Every person needs to look as fabulous as those lovable vampires, which means you need to look immortal!  Purchase now, and we’ll throw in… a new hairstyle, made by your very own talented hands!  With these products, all you single women out there will be able to find your own quality man- who may even sparkle in the sunlight and fight off muscular dog-men.  But most likely, he’s probably just a freak who wants to bite you.

Speaking of, for all those women out there that pretend to be happy as a single lady and loving life without a mate (you know who you are: there’s a good chance you own a cat, work long hours, eat Lean Cuisine’s every meal, and watch movies that star Reese Witherspoon, Sandra Bullock, or Harry Connick, Jr., any chance you get, not to mention you know the entire dance to Beyonce’s Single Ladies), have we got the game for you!  You know those lonely Monday nights when you light a candle to set the mood to watch The Bachelor while you eat your TV dinner.  You watch, yelling at the girls inside the television about how slutty they are or the stupid comments they make that eventually determine the end of their term on the show, all while you get more and more attached to the bachelor himself.  You think to yourself how you are a much better candidate for him than those whore-ish girls are, and list the reasons why.  When the time comes to give a rose, you groan in disapproval of his choices, slapping your forehead and pouring another glass of wine to partake in the post-ceremonial toast. 

Chances also are that you already have a Wii; you know, for working out on the Wii Fit instead of going to the gym (it’s ok, we all know it’s uncomfortable to work out in front of men for fear of them judging you while you pant and turn beet red on the elliptical).  Now you can turn your Wii into something much more fun and rewarding!  Play The Bachelor!  In this game, you get to be one of those 25 women fighting for the attention of the handsome bachelor.  You can go to dinner with him and various other dates to win over his affection, and try to stand out in a crowd during those awkward group drinking hours to earn his attention.

The best part is, once you’ve lost the bachelor and a computer-generated model wins him over and collects a ridiculously expensive engagement ring from him, you can then become The Bachelorette!  At this point, you become the one that all the computer-generated Adonises can fight over, all while giggling and continuing to drink your wine.  But if you’re going to buy this game, you better buy extra bottles of wine, because you’re going to be home drinking a LOT from this point forward.  Eventually you’ll realize the “real world” isn’t like the game or the TV show, become severely depressed about how you can’t even get a digital boyfriend (I mean, the Twilight hair tools didn’t even work for you!), and adopt 3-5.4 more cats (we all know you’ll end up a cat missing a couple of legs because that one needs loving just a LITTLE BIT MORE).  On second thought… maybe you shouldn’t buy this game unless you visit a psychologist for at least 6 visits prior.

Last but not least, once you’ve thrown your Wii out of your 4-story walk-up window in massive disappointment, you have one last chance to purchase something that could change your world.  You’ve all heard of the magical ShakeWeight, that can turn not only your arms, but your entire body into a ripped piece of meat in only 6 minutes a day (what man wouldn’t want to rip your clothes off then!?).  Now, for a limited time only (and by limited time I mean forever), you can purchase COLORED ShakeWeights!  Just choose from pink, green, or blue- all Easter colors!  Who knows, maybe a man dressed as the Easter Bunny will come hopping along!?  White is just plain and boring anymore; doesn’t it just remind you of all those plain, boring men you’ve dated?  Color means flavor, and girl, you need flavor in your life!  You may think you look ridiculous while using this to get toned, but trust me, it’s gonna work for you!  You don’t even have to get toned to get a man with this thing! 

All you have to do is stand in front of your window (whichever one is most visible to people outside) while you do the workout.  Any man who walks by WILL stop, knock on your door, and introduce himself.  After a quick coffee date, he’ll ask to see you perform that workout you do with that shake thing… and as long as you’ve gotten enough experience with it and have the motions down perfect, you’re golden!  It may take weeding though several of these random strangers before you find the One, but you’ll be well on your way to a social status you’ve never had before…  any social status

 

Note: I do not think all single women are like this.  This blog was purely for entertainment value.  I personally came across each of these items while shopping, took pictures with my phone, and wanted to share just for a laugh.  Please do not email me griping about how you are single and truly do love it, because I believe you.

The return of an era…

I don’t know about any of you, but I’m a total MTV Junkie.  I have watched it practically my whole life.  I’ve seen EVERY season of Real World- people make fun of me now for still watching, but I can’t stop now!  One of my favorite MTV shows, from a long list, is Beavis and Butthead.  I remember the mid 90′s when everyone called each other Bunghole and Cornholio and yelled “Fire!! Fire!!”  It was hysterical. 

Now they’re back!!!!!!!!  The first “return” season just ended last week, and I’ve started to realize that I’m catching myself speaking like them again!  I’ll realize something and say, “Oh yeah…. cool.”  There are some other things too that I catch myself doing.  At least I haven’t started doing their idiotic laugh!  I’ve even caught Greg with his shirt over his head and his arms up in the air (I’m glad a new generation is being introduced to what was once an icon):

Regardless of the stupid crap we do and the way we talk like them, I’m glad these two morons are back rocking out from their couch and trying to get laid.  I can only hope that the next season comes soon so I can continue to laugh at the pair and the shenanigans they get into.

 

 

My dog is high… On life?

I have a purebred beagle named Sadie.  She is 7.  As of today, I’ve had her 7 years.  :)  I’m not sure why, but Sadie always looks stoned in photos:

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I swear she isn't high.

Yet my dog Jessie, a beautiful 5 month old Goldendoodle looks  normal:

image

I wonder why Sadie looks like Spicoli.

Christmas… Again.

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Here was my tree a week and a half ago… From all the research I read, this is maybe about the normal amount of gifts for a family of 3.

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Here is my tree now… Ridiculous.  I don’t even have the gifts for my dogs under there!  I’ve read a lot lately that the average American household spends $75-$150 per person on gifts.  That won’t buy 2 video games or a whole outfit.  My budget was higher than that, and I accidentally went over… By… Well a lot.  However, all my gifts are nice, useful, and wanted or requested. 

I don’t understand this theory people have of getting you things to get you things, but not getting what you asked for or what you need.  Sometimes they will do a weird, half-assed gift of something you asked for, but different, therefore not what you asked for.  And people nowadays are against giving money because you need to open something- well wrap up the money!  While I appreciate the time someone spends in today’s warfare trenches, otherwise known as the mall, practicing guerilla tactics and all, don’t waste your money on something you like and hope I will just so that I can open something.  Just give people what they want or need!!!

So my husband and Greg better like the gifts I gave them because I spent a lot of time at war (I was smart and wore headphones and listened to my fav playlist while shopping to keep me calm and less…angry) putting together the perfect gifts, and scheming and tricking you into not buying stuff yourself before the holidays. 

I know what you are thinking, and no, I don’t believe I have to show love by the amount of gifts or dollars spent.  But I do want my gift-receivers to like what I get them.

Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good night!

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